Wednesday, December 29, 2010

Giggle Worthy Goals


                    Image by Idea Go via freedigitalphotos.net.

I'm not one to make New Year's resolutions per say.
I'm hyperactive, so I make them nearly every single day.
One current goal is to improve my skills in my craft.
I've studied Sociology but as a poet I'm still a bit daft.

I decided step one was to make up some interesting rhyme pairs.
I developed a list starting out with some commenters' rhyme dares.
It has now turned into a wacky list of giggle worthy goals,
intertwined with links to some fabulous bloggy souls.

I hope for an occasion to say suffering succotash.
I want to start the year off at a bad ass New Year's bash.

I hope to find a long lost stash of abalone.
I wish to never, ever, EVER eat bologna.

I hope to study and explore epistemology.
I wish for success in my Smiley Sociology.

I hope to avoid the feeling described as katzenjammer.
I wish never to hit myself with a hammer. Kablammer.

I hope I find a way to un-squeak my door hinge.
I want to buy more clothing that is dark orange.

I hope to visit the place where they make Jack Daniels.
I wish to pet all publicly encountered Cocker Spaniels.

I hope to make friends with more poets like Mr. Booguloo.
I want to re-watch the movie, The Man With One Red Shoe

I hope more people start to use the term bum chuck.
I wish the public wasn't so obnoxiously star struck.

I hope to never own clothing that resembles dust ruffles.
I want a never ending supply of delicious chocolate truffles.

I hope I become strong enough to climb Matchupitchu.
I want to take photos of funny signs with names like Kalamazoo.

I wish to sell stuff with wacky sayings like, "May your days...
be filled with pleasures richer than homemade mayonnaise.

There are plenty more giggle worthy goals where these came from,
but their rhymes are less lovable than a steadily beaten drum.
Perhaps you'll make some giggle worthy goals of your own?
My process is to just sit back, relax, and let the mind roam.
I'd love to hear your goals for 2011 in the comments section here,
and would be delighted if stumbles, facebook posts and tweets did appear.

© Rachel Hoyt 2010 - 2011


Do you want your links to appear in a rhyme?
Participate in the Smiley Sociology Study next time.


This rhyme is being sharef with One Shot Poetry Week #26.
Head there if you need a fulfilling poetry fix.


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Tuesday, December 21, 2010

Drunken Turtle Pirate Road Trip


        Jessi drew this especially for me!!!  :o)  © Jessi Finicum 2010.  All rights reserved.


When a drunken turtle pirate takes a road trip,
It’s bound to be a grand adventure…
Because the main purpose of any city hop skip,
Is to escape the bonds of daily life’s indenture.

To ensure the most memories possible,
A drunken turtle pirate driver follows these five rules.
But be forewarned, trouble is cause-able,
Because mischievous stuff like this ain't taught in schools.

Ye shall be tempted to seek me treasure,
but yaar just a silly land lubber matey.
Plunder ye happily if such be yer pleasure,
but fear ye the depths, the locker, and Davey.

Rule #1: Always watch for the local crazy signs…
because you never know what fun stuff there will be.
One Arizona city posts “Your Now Beyond Hope” two times…
No matter which way you drive through, you’ll see.

Rule #2: If you smell treasure nearby, stop and plunder.
Gems and other riches could be hiding nearby.
So keep a metal detector and excavation kit down under.
When you can, stop and give mining a try.

Rule #3: One memorable souvenir is a must…
Be it from nature or sneakily obtained, even better.
Bring a partner whom you can trust.
You’ll find treasures galore with a go-getter.

Rule #4: Never be afraid to take that scary looking shortcut.
Unexplored routes are likely to be ripe with bounty.
Four wheel drive is required for this stage of the gauntlet.
Triple-A doesn’t tow in this part of the county.

Rule #5… only to be tried by those with nothing to lose…
Always pick up strangers in orange jump suits.
An unexpected offer for a ride and some booze,
might just make a convict shake in his boots.

Of course, as the pirate always says of his code,
these are more like guidelines than actual rules.
It's just my drunken turtle pirate road trip mode,
you can invent your own using these tools.

Wherever ye travel, I hope it be pleasin.
Aye dat no scallywags be teasin.
Shiver ye timbers with memories of adventure.
Arrr, let rum be yer life's only indenture.

© Rachel Hoyt 2010 - 2011

Do you want your blog link to appear within a rhyme?
Participate in a Smiley Sociology Study sometime. :o)


This rhyme is being shared via One Stop Poetry #25.
Visit my fellow poets there to read more fun jive.
It's also entered in the Poetry Potluck on festivities.
The forum there has many links that'll please.

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Wednesday, December 15, 2010

Barrel of Monkeys Driving Test



A little while back on a day trip to the wineries,
I invented a new safe driver type test.
My designated driver had a barrel of monkeys,
just hanging on my car seat... 'cuz they're the best!
So I hung those cute little red monkeys, four in a row.
Said we'd whine if they swung wild or fell down below.
One monkey fell after several hours of watching,
but it was while navigating a bumpy dirt road.
I must say, they don't slow much from the factory notching,
and there was never a risk we'd implode.

Since then I've been thinking on this subject more.
The idea could be used for fun field sobriety exams.
I think policemen would absolutely adore...
childhood games played by drunk dudes and madames.
Jenga and Pin the Tail on the Donkey might be a little tough,
but Twister, Operation, or Charades would be even more rough.
Perhaps for April Fool's day some precinct will try...
by the power of Chief Wiggum, I hope they do.
Of course, for their prank to successfully fly,
they'll need permission to slightly harass me and you.

I would think Pictionary game night at a dive bar,
is likely to draw a decent sized crowd.
Of course those who don't like it would run far,
because Pictionary players can get pretty loud.
Or, you might be able to increase daytime payouts,
with card tower creation or domino pattern layouts.
I think you'd be surprised who would enjoy,
the chance to relive memories of being a child.
Most men like the chance to act like a boy;
the ability to feel like they're really getting wild.

I, for one, will always remember that special day,
when we invented the barrel of monkeys driving test.
No worry or care could get in our way.
We were living in the moment and forgetting the rest.
Ok... so, perhaps the wine influenced the monkeys hanging in a row.
Then again, we were sober when inventing Early Morning Merlot.
I'm just the type who finds great joy in little things;
and have even more fun making fun of myself.
Mischief... oh the joy it brings.
Hard to leave it on the shelf.

© Rachel Hoyt 2010 - 2011


Do you want your blog link to appear within a rhyme?
Participate in a Smiley Sociology Study sometime.  :o)
This rhyme is being shared on One Stop Poetry
Head over there if more poetry you wish to see.
It's also a part of the Poetry Potluck on Reflections and Musings,
head over there to find more poetry worth perusing.
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Monday, December 13, 2010

Smiley Sociology Study #1

You may have noticed while reading my site,
that I link to bloggers whose writing brings me delight.
I seek wacky news and opinions from talented writers,
cartoons, art, and other curiosity igniters.
Anytime you like you can email links to rachhoyt[at]gmail[dot]com,
but you may enjoy more the Smiley Sociology forum.

Once a month I will post rhyming request for your links,
so I can pseudo-qualitatively learn what each of you thinks.
The mutually beneficial fees for participation are two chores:
First, you must reference Rhyme Me a Smile's blog within yours.
Next comment here and on others' posts to make friends and "open doors".

While hosting a meet and greet for my soon to be blog friends,
I will collect the wacky links on which my rhyme writing depends.
I will also showcase my new blog friends as I'm able to fit them in...
because a new rhyming blog review showcase is about to begin.
I know it's hard to get new followers and want to help you spread the word.
By linking back and forth together, surely more of us will be heard.

           Image by jscrationzs used with permission of freedigitalphotos.net.


Study #1:  Top 10 _____ of 2010

Right now I'd like to read your Top 10 _____ of 2010 ramblings:
favorite memories, new discoveries or strangely popular gatherings.
Any family friendly lists are welcomed -- no naughty stuff please.
This site focuses on adventures, art, poetry and plots that appease.

Let the link sharing begin -- just use the entry form below.
(Brownie points for posting my link on social websites you know.)
Why not put together a quick list of your favorite posts from 2010?
It's a good idea to recap your writing and brag a little now and then.

Don't be shy... you need not be funny or write stuff like I do.
I welcome mommy bloggers, artists and writers of all types.
Just post a link here and see what traffic comes to you.
Promoting blog writing brings Smiley Sociology delights.

© 2010 - 2011 Rachel Hoyt


Non rhyming directions for the poetry challenged:
(1) create a new top 10 list and post it to your blog OR choose a top 10 list already on your blog
(2) mention and link back to the Smiley Sociology Study within your post
(3) copy the link for that post
(4) paste link into Mister Linky below
(5) leave a comment here to let me know you've posted a link
(6) read links left by others and tell them (nicely) what you think
(7) enjoy your increase in traffic  :o)

I will keep Mr. Linky open until (at least) midnight on Saturday, Dec. 18th.  Until then... keep sending me your links!  :o)



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Wednesday, December 8, 2010

Whoville Spirit


           Image by Simon Howden.  Used by permission of freedigitalphotos.net.

Recently a thought wandered onto my mind's windowsill.
What ever happened to the cheerful citizens of Whoville?
They're famous worldwide for outsmarting The Grinch.
They make feeling Christmas cheer seem like it's a cinch.
I wonder if the Whovillians have spread out among us?
Or are they singing carols as a choir on a traveling bus?
Wherever they are, we need their help un-grinching us.

Somewhere, sometime, someone loved that mean old Grinch.
They too wished the thought of Christmas would make people flinch.
No one should feel inspired to power their lights with an electric eel.
Presents, or lack thereof, should be able to produce the right feel...
as long as you're convinced you must have some unobtainable deal.

I imagine he first sought to make the most desired children's toy.
Thinking that through their popularity he'd control Christmas joy.
Perhaps he invented one of the first board games?
Or maybe the yo-yo or remote control airplanes?
Silly putty, his invention it probably was not.
Tonka Trucks I bet he liked a whole lot.

He probably never got his own story until now,
because he triumphed before that first crash of the Dow.
After that, like-minded grinchsters abounded.
Shortly thereafter, consumer America was founded.
Whovillians were possibly the only ones astounded.

Everyone else seemed happier to fight a stranger for the new My Little Pony,
than to make decorative trim for the Christmas tree with tricolor macaroni.
Suddenly gone was the spirit needed to make a Fenway Park gingerbread house.
No desire remained for paper snowflakes of Darth Vader or Mickey Mouse.

Year after year, this new attitude has flourished.
Despite constantly feeling consumer malnourished.
Oh how much fun this Christmas would be,
if all over America the Whoville spirit we could see.
So please shop online if you can't behave in public.
Buy prank gift boxes for the holidays if you're comedy cultic.
If you don't enjoy crowds, get a cabin somewhere rustic.

We must not let the Grinch loving people take over.
We must do more than wish on a four leaf clover.
No matter what holiday you celebrate this time of year.
I hope your themed decorations are shining loud and clear.
Try not to let present giving interfere with family time.
Remember the grinch is winning every time you whine.
Let your heart and the Whoville spirit intertwine.

© Rachel Hoyt 2010 - 2011




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This poem is being shared via One Shot Wednesdays and the Poetry Potluck.  Visit One Shot Poetry and Jingle Poetry to read posts by other authors or share writing of your own.

I've also enetered this in week 35 of the Thursday poets rally.

Wednesday, December 1, 2010

It's Make Fun of Me Day!


  A scan of the birthday card my parents gave me on Saturday...
          Inside it says, "Boogie down on your Birthday!

Have you noticed that the more birthdays you have in life,
the less they are about giving the celebrant some good times?
Friends tend to make fun of your age, causing mental strife,
and tell stories like they're listing your aging dumb person crimes.

The switch from fun day to make-fun-of-me-festival,
begins as you approach the dreaded age of forty.
Present giving amongst friends becomes more whimsical,
and humorous verbal self-flagellation turns sporty.

So, I have chosen today, my thirty-third birthday,
to announce to my friends on the world wide Internet,
that I happily contribute to annual make fun of me day,
because life's funner living wildly without regret.

Observation shows three popular making fun themes:
gracefulness, forgetfulness, and lack of self control.
Though for your stories to get truly gleeful screams,
you'll want something unique to share 'round the punch bowl.

No one who knows me well would disagree,
I have a tendency to slip, slide, trip and / or fumble.
There's plenty of stories one could share about me,
which involve funny injuries caused by a tumble.

There's no denying that with age, the memory fades.
(It takes me three times as long to learn names already.)
I'm saving self-control for the next few decades,
and letting the fun-o-meter sit strong and steady.

None of my life, thus far, has turned into movie scenes,
but neither have I been living inside a black hole.
Each silly story rhyme I write spills a bit of my beans...
my crazy ideas in print take you on a mind stroll.

Though I've never played the mood ring game for real,
I have made push pen people travel the world like a gnome.
I'm also too timid to trespass or steal,
but am truly weary of places where fancy pen users roam.

Though it shall remain secret how I celebrate tonight,
and precisely what type of party theme I will employ...
I can say I'm certain I'll be smiling with delight,
doing something myself and my friends all enjoy.

But be it camping in forbidden areas or sailing to nowhere,
gambling in the old west or flying to the moon.
Everyone should have a few stories that stand up your hair,
and at least one that makes you jealously swoon.

I don't think I'll party quite that rich this year,
nor is it required to have a blast.
I'm more the type who drinks whiskey and beer,
while playing childish games of the past.

I like skating, shooting, singing and shopping...
putt putt golf and poker playing too.
blasting, boating, bowling and bee-bopping...
or anything to which I am new.

The comments section is now open for suggestions,
and the paypal button is ready to accept your gifts.
I will even answer ten make fun of me questions...
just write them below and I'll answer in shifts.

© Rachel Hoyt 2010 - 2011







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Wednesday, November 24, 2010

Thankfulicious


                   (Image courtesy of Felixco, Inc. )

T is for turtles, like my little girl Pokey.
She likes to watch me when I practice for karaoke.
If I can make her smile, I know my song will be a hit.
Once I think I she even bopped her head a little bit.

H is for hoodlums who help, like Cayman's Frankenmosquitos.
'cuz I think we'd all agree that getting bitten by bugs blows.
So, why not create special bullys to beat up the little guys?
Making stronger mosquitoes shouldn't make new problems arise.

A is for abstract judgments, i.e. regarding the coolest man.
I think the guy who posted that must be a Quidditch fan.
The best I can tell, it depends on how manly their pastimes are,
their rarity, and a fear factor at least equal to driving a race car.

N is for nerds and awesome inventions like the Oreo dipper.
Someone knew the perfect cookie dunk makes people more chipper.
It could probably prevent possible crying fits by little children.
For some kids it's traumatic when their cookie breaks and falls in.

K is for kind robbers who return loot to those more needy,
because stealing from the homeless is the epitome of seedy.
Those who do it deserve a very special punishment...
a day of panhandling where they must donate every cent?

F is for flying cars which will be for sale within the year...
Although the thought of amateurs flying them fills me with fear.
But, I'm glad we're sticking to the time line predicted in a movie.
Though I think the Back to the Future 2 vehicles were more groovy.

U is for unusual deaths which can turn your life into a legend.
In cool ancestor contests you'll be a force with which to be reckoned.
Hopefully those left behind you will have fun telling the story.
"In your sleep" is so last year... go for memorable yet un-gory.

L is for landmines being cleared quicker with the help of the rat nose.
Their desire to live among us peacefully if trained with treats shows.
Who knows, maybe next we'll teach raccoons to pick up stray trash.
That's a feat that, in the long run, could save cities a bundle of cash.

I is for invisibility, especially in regards to my privates on TSA scanners.
When did the federal government decide they didn't need to have manners?
For those who want something larger than a fig leaf to prevent peeking...
I hope soon, for the right price, an invisibility cloak will allow sneaking.

C is for collectors who allow the public to view their stuff...
or even to touch it if you promise not to play too rough.
The Pacific Pinball Expo is my most recent fun find of this type.
I hope when I make it there, it can live up to all the hype.

I is for independence, though some people take it too far...
for many, it's the first step to loving yourself just the way you are.
It's your choice to flaunt it or just be happy you found contentment.
Just know that marrying yourself could cause joy, laughter or resentment.

O is for overspending, like that to be done on Black Friday.
Camping outside Best Buy for a week isn't how I want to spend my day.
And for this couple, it's purely a desire to be first in line...
I hope they decide what they want to buy before its time.

U is for using pets in tricks that will make people smile.
This kitten's routine is the cutest I've seen in quite a while.
If ever I'm lonely, I know a cute animal can change that fast.
If only my pets' memory of tricks I show them would last!

S is for silly acrostics (like this) with much rhyme but little reason...
Just a weird conglomeration of stuff to smile about this holiday season.
If psycho shoppers, crazy drivers, or your own family were getting you down...
I hope these non-chemical mood altering experiences have erased your frown.

© 2010 - 2011 Rachel Hoyt









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Monday, November 22, 2010

Poor Randy Boy



One morning my radio spoke of squatters in Montecito,
and at first I thought the idea sounded quite neato.
Many estates in the area aren't lived in year round...
wonder how long I could live there before being found?

Then came the twist...  it's Randy and Evi Quaid!?!
In the guest house where their friends one stayed?
If they truly still own it, why not stay in the main house?
Also, no estate owner I know is as dirty as a louse.

Since then, the story has spread for all the world to see,
as he seeks asylum like a critter hiding in a tree.
But since I think publicity is what he really wants to get...
here's an O Danny Boy rewrite I hope you'll never forget.

------------------------------------------------------------

Poor Randy boy, the courts, the courts are calling,
Santa Barbara's not taking his side.
So now he's gone... to Canada ran crying.
Hollywood star whackers made him run and hide.

But he'll be back when more admit what they know,
or when producers offer him a show.
Then finally, to Santa Barbara court he'll go.
Poor Randy boy, poor Randy boy, they stalk you so.

© Rachel Hoyt 2010 - 2011

 

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Wednesday, November 17, 2010

Gadgetaholic


I never used to like that guy David Perry on KTYD 99.9.
I got annoyed from hearing his cell phone chirping all the time.
Still, I continued to listen because I enjoyed his partner Julie...
she pokes fun at David and keeps things from getting too unruly.

I recently learned he turns his phone off for funerals,
but I bet he'd still answer while visiting the urinals.
The scarier part is I find myself understanding him more...
I now play on mine for the two minutes in line at a store.

This change of heart came with the purchase of a smart phone,
I can now do blog and candle biz stuff no matter where I roam.
I was instantly addicted to carrying the Internet everywhere.
I worry friends will find my speak text feature elitist and unfair.

But, to ensure I don't miss out on further recently invented gadgets.
I'm reading blogs like Crunch Gear, Gizmodo and Engadget.
I found new multifunction office wear online at Neatorama.
The Daily What says try the edible spoon... you know I'm gonna!!

I would definitely feel cooler if my USB drive was biodegradable.
Animal shaped TVs make me wonder if my non-flat screen is tradeable.
I think a pair of laser scissors would make my craft time much more chipper,
and that tea time would be more fun if I owned a Penguin Tea Bag Dipper.

Oh no!  I think I may be addicted to snazzy gadget acquisition!
I wonder if there's an AA group for this technology addiction?
Despite my best efforts, my current cash flow simply can't afford the habit.
I knew I'd be the last gal with an in car espresso machine... dagnabit!

See, there I go again... encouraging my gadgetaholism,
instead of a more fiscally responsible mannerism.
I better get out and find myself some help... get a sponsor.
I wonder if my phone has a program for that in the hopper?


© Rachel Hoyt 2010 - 2011


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This poem has been entered in One Stop Poetry's One Shot Wednesdays.  Thanks for reading!  I hope you enjoy my rhyming ways.  :o)

Wednesday, November 10, 2010

Spreading Smiles


  Image used courtesy of Stuff No One Told Me.  Thank you Alex!

Statistics by blogger has slipped me a hint for a rhyme topic.
Responding to their stats kinda makes me feel philanthropic.
It seems a few have found me when seeking "a rhyme about smiles".
Lucky for me, my blog title led them straight to my poetry files.
Evidently, I'm not the only adult who misses reading Dr. Seuss,
or who feels that smiling at silly rhymes should need no excuse.

Smiling often, for some, is not so easy to put into practice.
For them, grinning though depression feels like sitting on a cactus.
In situations where surrounded by "just put on a happy face" devotees,
Lethargic they feel - as if judged by jury of plastered on smile zombies.
Everyone has a happy place somewhere... at least that's what I think.
Smiling is contagious... so if you're not doing it, your friends stink!

Singers have been writing songs about this activity for years.
Many comedy shows are written with the goal of joyful tears.
I bet if you sit out in public, people watching for five minutes.
Lots of reasons to smile will appear in the form of life snippets.
Everywhere you go there are plentiful fun life scenes to see.
Sitting on your couch... there's TV, movies, and bloggers like me.

Stuff No One Told Me is a great comic blog whose point of view I find nice.
At the Duchesne, fun news is presented with a sprinkle of blog writer spice.
I think the "life narrative" I've followed longest is Kristine's Wait in the Van.
Confessions of a Recovering Cynic is super fun... check it out if you can.
Awesome stick figures and wacky semantics abound at Doug's I Like Cheese.
Scott's Tip of the Day is entertaining.  That bloggy lawyer is the bee's knees.

Since my smile needs vary I also keep an arsenal of funny movies handy.
Many days I find new smile themed music as joyful as a bowl of candy.
I try to rotate through each smile type to befit my daily personal style.
Those around me evoke new grins and smirks every once in a while.
Engaging your friends in random acts of craziness can also be good...
So long as the wacky behavior isn't out of control or misunderstood.

Simply put, there's a million reasons we ought to grin no matter what.
My friends, I'm grinning now despite a huge dark purple bruise on my butt.
You see, I had a little spill the other day getting off the ladder from my loft.
In a test of grace moment, the cabinet corner smashed my butt so soft.
Even though I hurt in nearly every standing or sitting position possible,
Smiling is a sacred daily practice I find (drug assisted) is still  plausible.

So... get out there today and find the thing that makes you smile the most.
My hope is you'll take time to go visit the links I shared within this post.
If you need "help", you could surgically inhibit frown ability with botox.
Whatever it takes to smile throughout life's school of hard knocks?
Everyone likes to take stress breaks for a funny joke or video.
So please share a smile today with someone special you know.

© Rachel Hoyt 2010 - 2011
   
If you like the comic shown above and are seeking holiday gifts with images you love...  click here or here to visit Alex's store.  He sells his art on t-shirts, coffee mugs, and more!





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This rhyme and The Mood Ring Game have been entered in Jingle Poetry's poetry potluck Mondays.  :o)

Wednesday, November 3, 2010

Friends Like a Box of Chocolates



Like choosing a chocolate out of a fine box of candy,
each for different reasons, I think my friends are dandy.
But lately I've been thinking maybe I should branch out...
just to see what other random people's lives are about.
The sociologist in me doesn't get to do enough studies.
That's why I need a very diverse group of buddies.
Now that I've amassed a small following on the Internet,
I thought I'd throw some ideas out there and see what I get.

I'd like to hang out at least once with a snake charmer,
especially if he or she lived a double life as a farmer.
It might be a common combo somewhere near the Pink City,
but only a rare soul would live that life anywhere near me.
No matter what, I want to know if I could be trained,
or if snake charming power is from birth ingrained.
I did master both the flute and recorder growing up,
pungi is the next most similar instrument if moving up.

I'd like to befriend someone trying to obtain a world record.
Depending the activity, maybe I'll get a fan club on board.
I'm interested in the type who has turned a leisure time task,
into something so grandiose, the art scene should bask.
For instance, a person who builds a card house that truly rocks,
or perhaps a structure made of jenga pieces or domino blocks.
I'm not sure what type of person hangs out in that crowd...
"let loose" type engineers?  Frat boys?  Just thinking aloud.

I'd like to meet more gals who like to hula hoop...
maybe together we could start a hip swirling troop.
I've only twirled the loop maybe twice since childhood...
But both times the birds chirped, "Hey, you did good!"
(Yeah, that's right... I can interpret what the birds say.
It's easy if you don't let semantics get in the way.)
I hear you need not be a hippy to shake your caboose.
You need only a deep desire to find a way to let loose.

I'd like to meet one of the luckiest people on earth,
to see if their near death experience increased their self worth.
I bet they have interesting insights thanks to their incidents.
Do they think things happen for a reason or are just coincidence?
Do they live every day with a fear of random collision?
Or, did testing invincibility become their new life mission?
Though I laughed harder than I ever have at one of you tube's videos,
I know the real life experience would have made me loose my cheerios.

I'd like more friends that do voices and make prank calls.
They often say and do things for which I don't have the balls.
Living vicariously through their antics would brighten my day,
especially if it meant "celebrities" would call me to say hey.
We could make Bart Simpson style calls to our favorite bar,
or play dialer's roulette if our linguistic skills were to par.
That's when you dial random digits and come up with a plan,
just as soon as there's an answer... thinking as fast as you can!

I'd like to hang a few times with someone who has their own pet monkey.
That's a parent-child relationship dynamic that I've been dying to see!
I've always thought chimps made adorable facial expressions.
I wonder if I could teach them to do celebrity impressions?!
Perhaps we could train him or her to help around the house?
After all, my cat is required to know how to catch a mouse.
On the other hand, I'm worried about the possibility of attack.
Monkeys can really hurt you when mad.  I should think about that.

I'd like to be friends with 411 and 911 operators because,
I think they see a side of America that's missed in the buzz.
Sure, there are occasional stories of a ridiculous call,
but they make up a small part of the news overall.
I want to know how often strange calls come in real life,
and I apologize in advance for laughing at others' strife.
Are the callers using these operators for free therapy?
Don't girlfriend's still meet to sympathize over tea?

Anyhow, this list above is just the beginning; just a starter.
Perhaps you'd like to do a link exchange / online friendship barter.
Just leave a comment here to let me know what you're all about.
Perhaps a six degrees of separation association you figured out.
If you don't meet the criteria, but still want to show me some love,
click the share buttons below or the SU button to the right and above.
I'm just a simple gal who hopes her wacky rhyming gets into to you...
that you have a fun blog visit and leave to smile the whole day through.

© Rachel Hoyt 2010 - 2011



Luxury Easter Chocolates


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Wednesday, October 27, 2010

Thirty-Something Fears



In just over a month I celebrate my thirty-third birthday,
and for the first time since 30, I expect to enjoy that fine day.
It's not that I didn't try to have fun the last two years...
it's just that I've been plagued by thirty-something fears.
I'd been warned and told "no one's immune, you'll see."
But like many happy 29 year old's I thought, "nah, not me."

12:01 AM on the thirtieth anniversary of my birth,
I awoke with a fear which proved that warning's worth.
The weather outside was dark, wet and windy.
Branches hitting the house poked the worry strings in me.
I couldn't sleep knowing a huge sycamore tree loomed above.
So, I called an expert to predict survival in a loft shack vs. tree shove.

I tried pep-talking myself to stop acting like an old lady.
I wrote on my mirror, "Fear only that which is shady."
I started seeing a shrink and popping pills to calm down.
Those little round things worked wonders at ending a frown.
But overall, I didn't feel all that much better,
and I still found my fear causing thoughts to be clever.

When my eyes were dry, I worried that they would pop out.
If one dared question why, it's likely I'd shout.
I began inspecting my entire house daily before bed,
because of an anaconda in the toilet article I read.
I postponed my desire to take a Mexican cruise,
when my fear of attack by pirates became less of a ruse.

I no longer like camping due to renewed belief in bigfoot.
The chinese are looking for him and I await their input.
One of my friends has a pet cockatoo she keeps in a cage.
I'm worried he'll break out and attack me in a rage.
On a day to day basis I wonder if my food is killing me,
but now, more than that, I fear my whiskey's made of pee.

So... what is the difference between this year and the last?
How did I make thirty-something fears a thing of the past?
When the fears and uncertainties come creeping into my mind...
I google the probability of occurrence to see what I can find.
Even with low odds, I like additional reassurance,
that's why I love my new sales agent for insurance.

She's always happy to help no matter my call frequency.
She'd never make fun of the weird fears she hears from me.
She has enlightened me on what my renter's insurance covers.
I now sleep better though the sycamore tree still hovers.
It even covers belongings stolen by pirates while traveling!
Thanks to insurance, my thirty-something fears are unraveling.

If you're trapped by fears, I recommend giving Stef a call.
She's my Farmer's Insurance agent who seems to do it all.
It's not often I'll include a shameless plug within my rhyme,
so you can be sure I mean what I say at this time.
If she hadn't helped contain my thirty-something fears,
the stress on my heart could have shortened my years.

© Rachel Hoyt 2010 - 2011




Thursday, October 21, 2010

Blog-a-licious



Check it out! I've won my first blogging award!
This gal Pandora likes to visit me when she's bored.
She's been a fan ever since she visited my rhyme nook.
Now she's invited her followers to come take a look.
For inspirational stories that will also make you smile,
I recommend visiting Pandora's blog for a while.
If you have a blog, you should drop her a line.
She'll come check you out when she gets the time.
If you're lucky and she likes what you have to say,
perhaps she'll also crown you blogalicious some day.

© Rachel Hoyt 2010

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Wednesday, October 20, 2010

Greenzilla's Top 5 Green Deeds


Last night I formed a new life goal in my sleep.
Greenzo and I were performing environmental upkeep.
I was watching the show 30 Rock before bed...
I guess his message got stuck in my head.
All I know is that I now feel possessed.
I must save this world with which we were blessed.
In my dream I was a hero known publicly as Greenzilla -
who's top five green deeds save more than a scintilla.

5. I bum rides from friends as often as possible,
using auto trouble stories whenever it's plausible.
The broken down car thing works on my coworkers too.
They'll wake up early for a downtrodden member of the crew.

4. No matter where I am, if there's a thermostat,
I have to check the level to see what it's set at.
If I can get my hands on one that's set irresponsibly,
I reset it to stop it from shamelessly taunting me.

3. When I find a good deal on fluorescent light bulbs,
I buy a bunch to take to friends houses and night clubs.
I change out four to five light bulbs every time I go out,
in hopes no one notices the swap until they burn out.

2. A few times a year, if I can locate a good place,
I plant a baby tree in it's "native" open space.
The long night of digging is my best workout plan yet!
Risking a brush with the law... that I'll never regret.

1. Did you know that cows release methane when they fart?
Stopping this grotesque pollution would be more than a start.
Scientists say garlic is the key to lowering the level 50 to 90%.
I say dropping garlic in cow water troughs is money well spent!

So far Greenzilla has existed only in my dreams,
but the need for a change is more imminent than it seems.
And so, I now pledge to make Greenzilla's life a reality,
in hopes to have an effect on the American mentality.
If you too have ideas on how to make a difference,
please post them here to show your non-ignorance.
To additionally help me spread the word amongst the gluttons,
click the share via facebook, twitter or stumble upon buttons.


© Rachel Hoyt 2010 - 2011

     This poem is being shared in Poetry Potluck on Jingle Poetry.
Head there if you're a poet or just wish to read and see.  :)



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Wednesday, October 13, 2010

Halloween & Jim Beam



Every year at this time I seem to face the same conundrum.
The stress it sometimes brings often feels quite troublesome.
I find picking a great Halloween costume to be a bit tricky.
Of course, it could be that I'm just really dang picky.
There were quite a few years that I skipped the holiday,
even though I did want to join my friends and go play...
Because if I'm going to dress up I want to do it right,
but I often procrastinate 'til I have a mere fortnight.
That's usually not enough time to come up with something clever,
and I end up spending a fortune on vintage costume treasure.

So, this year I tried to learn from watching my friends plan.
Not surprisingly, the first trick is so start as soon as you can.
I took that fact to heart, perhaps a bit to the extreme.
I've been planning all year... every time I drink some Jim Beam.
You see, that's what I was sipping nearly one year ago,
when Jack Skeleton came wandering in to the karaoke show.
It was, by far, one of the best costumes I've ever seen.
The "mask" that he made was ridiculously keen.
Thanks to his inspiration and deep thoughts while drunk,
I now have more ideas than I ever did as a young punk.

One idea I had (which I'm probably too tall to wear myself)
was a McDonald's fry girl costume made from things upon my shelf.
I thought I could dye an old sheet and rip it up into strips,
then sew them onto an old hat and dress, covering my head to my hips.
I might have to buy tights and a pair of converse high tops,
and I'm not sure if I'd peek my eyes through or use props...
but I could easily make glasses with spray paint & cardboard,
and think a fry girl with great legs would not be ignored.
I bet she'd end up either dancing at a bar with Chewbacca,
or laughing in a booth with Fozzie... waka, waka, waka!!!

Though that sounded quite fun, I knew it wasn't for me,
but the homemade dye I'd found could possibly be.
For about 10 years I've wanted to dress as Smurfette.
I saw a guy pull it off once and I'll never forget.
He had painted his body blue and worn a white dress.
With red lipstick and a wig it sure did impress.
Alas, the handcrafted blue I planned was not so smart.
I should have known it was a bad idea right from the start.
You know those toilet bowl tablets that turn the water blue?
Well... let's just say that they aren't meant for me and you.

After what shall now be known as "the blue dye attempt",
I wanted a more adult costume with still no money spent.
I decided a sophisticated girl would be both clever and cute.
I wanted a message that would be considered astute.
The problem is I tried to ponder while drinking...
and as you know, alcohol impedes one's smart thinking.
I decided I wanted to be a victim of the BP oil spill.
As the big day inches closer, it's feeling against my will.
A bikini, skimpy cover up and flip flops with oil specks,
are a style choice only pretty waifs can wear sans regrets.

So, once again, I sat pondering two weeks before Halloween.
To lower the planning stress, I took another shot of Jim Beam.
Wandering the internet in hopes of costume inspiration,
I found a news story about monkey issues at a sports celebration.
To prevent more biting incidents they've put bigger monkeys in charge.
A group of lemurs and their handlers will protect the population at large.
Suddenly I realized there is one costume type I've never tried...
and a large mask or full body suit would allow me to hide!
Now all I need is a monkey suit and a security uniform...
and the bucks to pay for it... sounds like my Halloween norm.

© Rachel Hoyt 2010 - 2011

Clearance Costumes

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Wednesday, October 6, 2010

Beating Belly Bulge


(Comic courtesy of Stuff No One Told Me.  Thank you, Alex.)

I doubt I'm the only one who struggles to find time to exercise,
or when choosing "healthy" food, tells herself a few white lies.
I've recently decided to call myself out on these self defeating habits,
and search instead for motivating stories and helpful gadgets.
My current habits still seem to make my belly bulge grow...
enough that some have mistaken it for early pregnancy glow.
Although only strangers have been dumb enough to ask,
their comments made beating belly bulge my #1 task.
I know it may not be possible to find all three things in one place,
but I need an easy diet, quick exercises and a motivating face.

I decided first to check my Google Reader for my info in demand,
and stumbled across a brown bear that does daily yoga in Finland.
She's just so cute! I hope she gets her own web cam.
I'd like to practice stretching my legs up as high as she can!
I'm sure a human teacher could instruct me just as well,
but learning yoga from a bear gives a funnier story to tell.
I wandered over to facebook to tell my friends about the yoga bear,
but got distracted by a video link a friend had posted there.
Think Before You Eat was the hilarious song parody I'd just found.
Anita Renfroe made me laugh so hard I think I lost half a pound!

Happy that I'd found a few healthy lifestyle promoters to admire,
I searched for diet and exercise tips to which I could aspire.
The need to avoid junk food was enforced by my first interesting find,
a photo journal on McDonald's hamburgers - so scary it blew my mind.
Could there possibly be undigested hamburger still inside me?
I can't tell you how many times I've eaten there... since I was three?!
Lately I've tried to adhere to the Abs Diet for the majority of meals,
but have allowed "comfort food splurges when stressed" type deals.
Those photos made me realize some indulgences really are worse,
so I made a note to self to keep more healthy snacks in my purse.

As I read on about caffeine content and renaming corn syrup,
I realized the many other small luxuries most naturalists call a slip up.
i.e. I should eat organic, but sometimes am too cheap to pay more.
Plus, for many years, pesticide free wasn't even sold at the store.
My head started to spin with food rules to add to my regimen,
and I started to get tempted to compromise them all again.
I'm just not sure I can live without alcohol, sweets and fried food,
because when stressful times hit they all sound soooooooo good!
I can tame that desire sometimes with healthy substitutes at home,
but need some outlet where my rebel taste buds can roam.

I almost admitted there's no easy way to be healthy,
then the results of a Texas study set my heart free.
They've proven that drinking heavy is better than not drinking at all!
Perhaps I can find a way to be strong and stand tall.
I think I can get myself to ride my bike to the store,
if I know I can come back home and drink more.
I'll have to burn enough calories to cover my wine & liquor,
but if I eat healthy otherwise I'll still loose weight quicker!
Suddenly I realize I've wasted today's free time pondering,
when (again) I could have been calorie burn wandering.

Perhaps my problem has less to do with the food that goes in,
than with my tendency to ponder too long before I begin.
Just today I could have gone walking for two hours,
but researched when I should have gone out to smell the flowers.
I could have burned off a whole bottle of wine,
if I'd just made a little better use of my time.
Next time I'll remind myself it's better not to think...
or at least do it while walking so I can end with a drink.
When it comes to beating belly bulge I've found the best way:
eat well, play hard, and drink a little every day!

© Rachel Hoyt 2010 - 2011


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Dr. Siegal's® COOKIE DIET™


This rhyme is being shared in Poetry Pantry #22.
Head there for more fun stuff to read and do.

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Wednesday, September 29, 2010

Bacon Wrapped Nest Keg










There are many investments in life I wish that I'd bought,
savings tips I wish that my magazine reading had taught.
But the realization I'm now having a little too late,
is that the answer was right there by my dinner plate.
In fact, one is in my entree and the other lies near...
because the investments I missed out on are bacon and beer.

I can't believe I didn't guess they'd increase in value,
it seems like something I would've figured out if I'd tried to.
I've been living on BLTs and Broccoli Salad with Bacon.
I guess those were the first two hints I should have taken.
It appears I wasn't the only person to sub bacon for beef,
nor to drink micro brewed beer for their daily stress relief.

I even know of a recently invented recipe for fried beer...
it won Texas State Fair's "most creative" prize this year.
And if I ever decide I want to mix the two flavors,
I'll refer to this post on bacon beers one blogger savors.
I even have a plan for the next time I'm feeling depressed:
giving the maple bacon donut a long overdue taste test.

But despite all the bacon and beer plans that I've had,
I didn't think to invest and it makes me real sad.
Perhaps pork belly futures are still worth the price,
maybe I could find a micro brew stock that looks nice.
You can be certain I'll be watching what goes on my plate,
trying to foresee the next investment trend before it's too late.

© Rachel Hoyt 2010 All rights reserved.


This rhyme is being shared in Poetry Potluck Week #26.
Click on over to get your poetry indulgence fix.


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Wednesday, September 22, 2010

Feeling Lucky?

(A bonus poem and contest for all of my fans.  I hope life brings you luck whenever it can.)

 

Sometimes I feel like a little spoiled rotten brat,
because although I won this, I'd rather have that.
I have strange luck at scoring myself tickets to shows,
yet continue to whine about my other life woes.
For nearly six years I've lived in a little doll house.
It's a bit more than rustic - my cat has a pet mouse.
Sill, it's affordably priced and conveniently located...
and my extra income must be lost or post dated...
because each time I check my balance online,
there is not enough money.  It's not moving time.
Perhaps I could find a guest house like the Quaids,
and live as a happy squatter the rest of my days.
Still I think I'd wish for my own simple living space,
and hope to win lots of money to make it a cooler place.

© Rachel Hoyt 2010

Arpaio Anxiety

Note: this poem can be sung to the tune of Allan Sherman's song, "Camp Granada".


Hello Muddah, Hello Fadduh,
Please retire in Santa Barbara.
Arizona's quickly changing,
Joe Arpaio's posse's rants the world estranging.

The last time I came for a visit,
I heard that he had gone ballistic.
You remember Xochil Peña?
Her poor grandma was harrased at work in Mesa.

All the smart guys seem to hate him,
and he refuses to debate them.
All the times he talks in public,
it seems he thinks he already runs his own Republic.

I'm surprised it doesn't scare ya,
that your neighbors often dare ya,
to volunteer with Arpaio's cronies,
'cuz they've loved him since he began with the pink chonies.

Please leave home, oh muddah fadduh,
stay with me, it's not a bother.
Don't stay there out in the desert where
the crazies think they know what's fair.

Please leave home, I promise you a fun filled time,
fresh produce and good local wine,
oh please don't make me beg,
that state's become a rotten egg.

Dearest Fadda, darling Mudda,
how's my precious, doggie brudda?
I can't wait to, let him kiss me.
Hurry over and admit you also miss me.

Wait a minute, the plan is failing,
crazy's spreading, saneness is flailing.
If he tries to, can we stop this?
Could Arpaio actually win the oval office?!

© Rachel Hoyt 2010 - 2011

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