Image by Filomena Scalise via freedigitalphto.net.
Dearly departed Saint Valentine,
I've been thinking of writing to you for quite some time
because your holiday really makes me want to whine.
No matter if I'm single or happily coupled up
this holiday always feels pretty dang screwed up.
Did you really need or want your own special day?
If not, the dude who sprung it on you should have to pay.
Doesn't it bother you that few write a real love note?
I hate those cheesy kid cards with pictures and quote.
I hate that only kids give them to every damsel and bloke.
I hate that a card of said type was the last one that I wrote.
Do you like the store displays that pop up right after Christmas?
I hate that many Americans think it's just plain good business.
I hate that everywhere I look I see red and pink and grimace.
I hate that if it upsets me I need pink medicine for my sickness.
I hate that once I was asked to celebrate by doing our laundry.
I hate that making dinner reservations always turns into a quandary.
I hate that not wearing red, pink and hearts is looked at so wrongly.
I hate that bars that night are packed with preying male osprey.
I hate that everything costs more for that one silly night.
I hate that red roses and chocolate are now considered trite.
I hate that many women want a gift that sparkles under light.
I hate that many men feel they never quite get it quite right.
I hate that saying, "Men are from Mars. Women are from Venus."
Shouldn't the man's home planet be the one that rhymes with penis?
(Pardon my frank language. My mouth sure isn't the cleanest.)
I've digressed. Excuse me again. Please let me leave you with this.
If I'd gotten you one of those cards it would say, "You're the keenest!"
It would be filled with candy hearts labeled cutest and sweetest.
Just in case all this makes you a little queasy in the tummy,
I've enclosed some Pepto chew tabs and a bit of extra money.
Thanks for reading. I sure feel better from venting to you a while.
Rhyme Me a Smile
© Rachel Hoyt 2011
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Valentine's Day, Blogging, Saint Valentine, Humor, Writing