Wednesday, February 2, 2011

The Likido Diet


          Image by Suat Eman via freedigitalphoto.net

Dr. Likido was a very interesting man -
nutritionist but not a five food group fan.
He graduated with honors, then disappeared
to meditate about the career he now feared.
He wanted to help but thought no diet was right
so he vowed instead to pray all day and all night.
Last week a vision came to him to break the spell.
The missing ingredient is here; a new diet as well.

What is this new discovery? (Nice of you to ask.)
Meat flavored water has been invented at long last!
Now you can drink all five food groups from a cup...
assuming that yummy idea doesn't make you throw up.
Sure, I suppose, you could have done that before,
but frequent blender cleaning can become quite a chore.
Plus, the drinks were weird colors and consistencies...
and now they're manufactured to aesthetically please.

The good Doc is still working out the details
but, so far, here's what the Likido Diet entails:
Start the day with a fruit and yogurt smoothie.
Blend it yourself or buy a pre-made one like me.
Snacks, lunch and dinner - drink meat water and V8.
Take time to explore the 50+ flavors invented to date.
For dessert, have a sweet smoothie or a beer...
'cuz life's less fun when carbohydrates are a fear.

If you've read this far and still think I'm serious,
you're either incredibly gullible or totally delirious.
I mean, unfortunately, the meat water part is true.
You can try cheeseburger water if you want to.
I'm scared most by one of the midnight snack flavors.
Is mountain oysters really a taste someone savors?!
Though Likido's plan might mimic elements of a diet,
I think you'd have to be a bit crazy to try it.

I'm not sure why some prefer man made, enhanced stuff.
I think grains, veggies, fruit, dairy and meat are enough.
Its normal to be tempted by fad diets' promised results
but not easy to admit to wishful thinking like young adults.
I am sure some real life doctor will "invent" this diet soon.
He or she could draft a full plan (like me) in one afternoon.
Just remember, you heard of it here, from Dr. Likido first,
and keep in mind that eating your vegetables really ain't the worst.

© Rachel Hoyt 2011



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This poem is being shared in the Poetry Pantry and through One Shot Wednesday #31.  I recommend visiting these forums to read more poetry - just for fun.

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24 comments:

  1. Rachel, This just goes to show the old adage is true, "If someone makes it, someone will buy it" Personally, I will stick with real foods like steak,potatoes and beer! But, let me know if you try any of that stuff above, I need a good laugh!

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  2. healthy and thoughts for food,

    lovely poetry.
    keep it up.

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  3. I know very little about nutrition and must exercise often because I cannot stick to a diet. Thanks for the info in poetic form.

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  4. @ Ed - I will definitely let you know if I try some. I have not been able to find it yet. Their website gave me the feeling they are just starting to find distributors in the US.

    @ Jingle & Dustus - thanks for coming over from One Stop. Glad you enjoyed my food thoughts.

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  5. What? Food for thought or food to gag? I love my meat flabby and I can get my arms around. If I want a drink I'll stop and use a tap. If I want to mix the two I will, only because I want to be sick from the too much piss I've had.
    Yet, I think I'll try it I will.

    Cheers A
    Don't take my word for it...

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  6. Ahhh, well I did smile! :D
    Really cute. And informative. Bordering on TMI - heh - the bit about the meat water. HA!

    xx

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  7. well...first, this is a very well written piece, flowing like a strawberry smoothie, with a chewy bit or two...parcon the length, but I found this:

    Food of the Future?

    Vladimir Mironov, a biologist at the Medical University of South Carolina, is among a handful of scientists culturing meat from animal tissue. His work involves turning formless, textureless patches of the stuff into mass-produced form — like meat sheets, or what one might affectionately call "shmeat."

    "I personally believe that this [is the] inescapable future," he says.

    But standing between Mironov and shmeat right now are production models, production facilities, venture capital — and consumer demand.

    "Technology, I think, is doable, and if you have reasonable investment it can be done. But ... you can't create [a] product which nobody wants to buy or is too expensive to buy. So the right timing ... is everything," he says.

    So is this the right time? One unlikely nonprofit thinks so: People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals. PETA recently announced a $1 million contest to create commercially viable chicken meat, sacrificing neither chicken nor egg. The deadline is 2012, the contest rules Herculean and the prize money paltry. But the thinking is pragmatic: If people must have meat, and factory farming is an animal nightmare, why not find a high-tech alternative?
    -------------
    help us...I'm off to Taco Bell for some real meat... oh wait, ok, Popeye's for some safe chicken...oh wait...
    *sits with glass of water, wondering what's in it"

    Peace, hp

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  8. meat flavored water...ugh...dont think i could do that...think i might exercise more first....

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  9. @Alejandro - I'm not sure I want to try it either, but sometimes sacrifices need to be made in the name of good blogging! LOL.

    @Lisa - hopefully I stayed on the right side of that TMI border. :) Thanks for visiting.

    @hpicasso - I think Shmeat is worthy of a long comment! LOL. That sounds even more gross than meat water. Hope your water was safe. :)

    @Brian - I'm with you! Exercise is better than weird food. :)

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  10. Your verse was a very entertaining way to get this...info? I mean, meat flavored water; how's that different from broth?

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  11. Ewww..why live? Clever work but I take my culture by meals and prefer to ruminate on heritage as I eat grains and veggie dishes. Life flows with the flounder and its many dishes. Thanks. Gay @beachanny

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  12. omg - I think I just threw up a little! Really? Meat flavored water?! *shudder* Forgive me for not following the links for more information! =)

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  13. So that's what they mean by "half-calf!"

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  14. Contemplating this thought could make me become a vegetarian! Seriously! Considering what all is done with foods these days, this is really not that far-fetched:)

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  15. I can't even drink chocolate water (aka Yoo-hoo). Steak couldn't possibly be satisfying if you don't get to chew.

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  16. meat flavored water doesn't sound pleasant. I'll stick to the real stuff and exercise :)

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  17. @A.Decker - The flavor selection of meat water goes far beyond our current broth selection. Though I think we can see here those flavors may face much rejection. :)

    @Beachanny - I totally agree that food can be a great way to experience history and culture... which makes a liquid substitute seem a bit vulgar.

    @Jewell - Your Dodgeball-esque comment gave me a good laugh. No worries on not following the links to the meat water path... :)

    @Trollpants - "half-caf" HAHAHAHAHAHA. Oh how I wish I'd thought of that! :)

    @Mary, Jen & Caty - Thanks for visiting. I too would choose vegetarian over the Likido Diet. I need to chew to be satisfied! :)

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  18. Isn't beef broth basically meat flavored water? Or is this like something you buy in a can that says "STEAK SHAKE" on it in ghetto graffiti lettering with a picture of a fist punching prime cuts of beef out of a cow?

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  19. Greetings…

    Please help visit a few poets 2 wish them happy birthdays, Thanks!

    Your contribution to our community is highly valued!
    Keep up the excellence!
    Cheers!

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  20. Nice!Read something truly weird..meat flavored water...lots of details given in a single poem .

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  21. @ Bryan - your description of a steak shake is more what I expected to see, but this stuff looks like vitamin water. Pretty crazy concoction. :)

    @ Jingle - Thanks for visiting! Always happy to help wish happy birthday... though now I'm probably a day behind.

    @ Uma - Glad you liked it. I aim to be strange. :)

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  22. Meat Water!?! Yikes... This has a lovely cautionary feel about it and great humour.

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  23. @ Lucy - Thanks so much for visiting! I'm glad you enjoyed the read. I thought cautionary humor was befitting, though tempted to write an anti meat water plead.

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Rhyming or not, I would like a lot to hear the thoughts my words brought...