I remember hearing once on the radio,
some silly local morning show,
that Santa Barbara faced a peculiar threat.
Those words they read, I'll never forget.
They said that pirates could attack us some day.
I laughed pretty good and (in my mind) said, "No way!"
Years later the threat seems a little more real.
Perhaps Captain Jack Sparrow renewed our zeal?
Or maybe it was those guys who started that holiday
that Dave Barry wrote about - Talk Like a Pirate Day?
Of course, we could blame the Somalians themselves.
That's easier than thinking we caused it ourselves.
None of this explains why Santa Barbara is in danger
of being attacked by some scary pirate stranger.
I never found the source of the radio man's statistic,
but Google showed me a scenario that was realistic.
In fact it's not just realistic, it actually happened in the past.
The Santa Barbara Mission may have endured canon blast.
I wonder if they left behind any buried treasure?
The quest to find it would bring me much pleasure.
I hear the Ortega family uncovered some booty.
Their chest came from the Catholics. How snooty.
Still, I think I should get a metal detector to check for cursed gold.
It could be under my place for all I know. It's definitely old!
© Rachel Hoyt. All rights reserved.